I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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