I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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