You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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