I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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