I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
