Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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