come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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