Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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