I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
