I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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