I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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