life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
