I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
