We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
