i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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