Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you win again, gameday.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
