yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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