theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize