mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
