I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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