shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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