i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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