um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
