Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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