It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
