You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
