I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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