Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
