dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
