I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
