The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
