Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
