I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize