note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
