i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
