If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
