you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
