If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
