just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
