it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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