All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
