if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
