just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
