Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
