my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
