Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
