so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
