the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize