I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
