he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He? As in you personified your dick?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
