OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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