I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
