dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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