just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
