his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
