I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
