I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
