Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
