College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
