Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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