I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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